If you’re guilty of any of the following, you may need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and check yourself before you wreck yourself.
1. The gym selfie
I mean, if you didn’t get a photo of yourself at the gym, did you even go? How will your Instafam know that you have the body of a Greek god if you don’t make sure you upload a selfie whilst you’re pumped? Oh and don’t forget to follow up with a snap of your freshly made protein shake afterwards. People need to know it takes nutrition as well as exercise to look this good.
2. Facebook check-ins
Thank God for Facebook Places because without it, you’d be nowhere (literally). You check into places more than Lindsay Lohan checks in to rehab. And why? To ensure your social media followers know what a man (or woman) about town you are. Even better if you’re heading overseas, how else to make it known that you are an international jetsetter (and to tell the local criminals that your home is vacant for a break in).
3. Business class
Flying business class just gets classier when you provide photo evidence on social media. A carefully composed snap of your tickets next to your coffee cup, or a boring image of your own legs and the seat in front of you will do the job. So long as it’s obvious you’re flying business, who cares?! #imbetterthanyou
4. Check out my ride
You’ve spent a considerable chunk of your salary on hiring a supercar for the day, and what better way to enjoy it than to take it for a spin….err… I mean, take photos of yourself in it. Even better if you can convince someone hot to sit next to you while you’re at it. No need to mention it’s a rental either, just let the crowds wonder with envy.
5. I’m on a boat
You love a good boat trip, even though you suffer with sea sickness and can’t really swim. What matters is that you’re seen to be on a yacht, looking like a seasoned rich kid in your deck shoes and tailored shorts. You throw around a few sailing words for authenticity. Those instaworthy pictures of you at the *helm*, holding a beer and looking cool give off just the impression you hoped for. #portside #saywhat?
6. Look at my stuff
When you own something expensive, people need to know. Your new watch conveniently makes an accidental-on-purpose appearance in your next selfie and your Ralph Lauren polo shirt has the massive horse logo on it. What’s the point of the small pony version anyway? Shortsighted people might not realise you’re wearing designer gear and then it would be a real wasted purchase!
7. You’re always on holiday
Or at least that’s what your social media seems to say. Your feed generally features you in some exotic looking location having a great time with your hot girlfriend who is probably doing a yoga pose on a rock whilst you sip a cold beer. And if you’re not on holiday, make sure you re-share a photo from when you were….ideally you should tag it with, “take me back” and if you’re female, it should actually be just a photo of you in your bikini.
8. Service staff are invisible to you
Besides hanging out on super yachts and always being on holiday, eating out at nice restaurants is one of your other favourite things to do. But despite what your mother taught you, you don’t bother with a please or thank you. After all, you’re paying these people to wait on you, what more do they expect? You snap your fingers when you eventually want the bill but then quietly ask if they’re on The Entertainer.
9. You have a blog
Of course you do. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter don’t provide sufficient opportunities to talk about yourself. You use your blog to improve other people’s lives by giving unsolicited advice on a variety of topics that you don’t know much about, such as a being a modern day parent. It’s also a great way for you to show people that you aren’t all about the material things in life. You have a spiritual side too and that’s why you identify as a Buddhist.
10. You don’t have time for speed limits
You have no time for life in the slow lane. Even though there’s a baby on board sticker in the rear window of the car in front, (and it’s clearly visible considering you’re driving 2cm away from the bumper) you still feel the need to drive like you stole it, tailgating down Sheikh Zayed Road. Well, unless everyone else going at your preferred speed they’re not going fast enough. A bit of aggressive flashing and swerving from side to side will soon get them out of the way.